I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
