What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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