Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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