She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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