I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
