I forgot how hot balto sounded
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
