And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
