therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
