Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
