ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
