Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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