There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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