The beer is more important than you right now.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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