Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
there is puke in my bra ... again
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
