hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
