Can Purell be used as lube?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
