I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
