I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
