woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
