What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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