Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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