I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Operation Purity has been aborted
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
