I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
