to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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