just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
