____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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