Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
