My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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