we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
