I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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