im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
