i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
