One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
