my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Vodka?
Forever.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
