Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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