If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
The Olympian is in my bed
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
