Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
