4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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