Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
