just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
