you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
