i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
