i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
