tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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