hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
