Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
