checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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