do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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