Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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