The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
