Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
