cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
