I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
