I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
