I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
