my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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